When I was fifteen I was diagnosed with Panic disorder, where I tend to get panic attacks very frequently. I've been living with it for almost 8 years and I can't believe its already been that long. I have always dealt with anxiety ever since I could remember, but never so bad. I don't know why I got panic attacks in the first place. I remember why the first time, but after it just didn't make sense. Every night they kept coming. It always feels like something is wrong, like I'm having a heart attack and I am dying. NOT FUN AT ALL.
(The First Night)
It was night and I had woken up for some reason that I though I felt a bug in my ear. Anxiety took over my body and I couldn't breath, I was shaking, and cold. I never felt like this before and it terrified me. I ran to my mom's room. She had experience panic attacks before and figured out what was wrong with me. So after calming down and going back to bed, I was okay. There was no bug in my ear.
(Second Night)
The same feeling happened all over again. My mom ended taking me to the ER. This time I didn't know why I was having another panic attack. And this time, it was scarier.
After that, my panic attacks never seemed to go away, so I ended up going to the doctors and seen counselors. Through the years it's been a roller coaster ride for me. I've been through so many doctors, counselors, and medication. All because of the things that weren't helping and government insurance and changes. Every day for 8 years I have been waiting for the day these panic attacks will stop and when I don't need medication. I keep fighting and sometimes it feels like I'm trapped in my own body.
All I have is hope and to keep fighting. Through the years I've had blood test, EKG's, chest x-rays, an upper endoscopy, ER visits, vitamins and everything seems to be normal. I'm healthy. But I don't feel healthy. I'm tired. I don't want to go through this anymore. I don't feel normal and it's harder to reach my goals.
But I'm still fighting, and I pray that I will never give up.
Sandra
